Staying Sane(?) While Staying Home

Well, how do I even begin this blog post? I’ve said it a thousand times, but I’ll say it again: this is truly a weird, chaotic, confusing, overwhelming, stressful, interesting, and unprecedented time. The world is dealing with coronavirus, also known at COVID-19, and this battle and fight has turned everybody’s lives completely upside down. Restaurants and schools are closed, events have been cancelled, gatherings are not allowed, and human contact has basically become non-existent. Even the thought of giving a friend a simple hug makes me stressed out.

When 2020 began, nowhere in my wildest imagination did I think we’d be where we are. I was optimistic and excited about plans we had down the line, like concerts, baseball games, birthday celebrations, and getaway trips. Obviously, that all changed. When cases started being confirmed and the numbers started to skyrocket, I did not deal with it very well. I was scared, I was stressed, and I was overwhelmed by the rapid increase in cases, the sudden change in my routine and world, and the uncertainty of literally everything moving forward. I can no longer hug my family, I can no longer hang out with friends, I can no longer travel or follow through with plans. I can freely admit that dealing with change in a calm, calculated fashion is not my strong suit and that’s something that I’ve been forced to tackle and address. It took me time to process and grieve the plans I lost, the memories I wasn’t able to make, and the time that I’m losing.

While I was trying to work through all of those emotions and thoughts, I could not help but feel incredibly guilty. How can I sulk and feel low when I’m lucky enough to work from home, my friends and family are safe, and my income has not been impacted? How can I feel upset when there are people out there who have lost their jobs, who are fighting this battle firsthand, and are losing their lives or loved ones to coronavirus? What right do I have to feel sorry for myself when there are people out there who are clearly going through much worse?

This time is tricky for a lot of people and I know that I’m not the only one who has grappled with those thoughts and feelings. It’s so easy to push our own emotions aside because we feel like we don’t deserve to be upset or scared. What I’ve come to realize though, in those whirlwind emotions, is that my feelings and everybody’s feelings are completely valid. I am allowed to grieve what I’ve lost, while also having sympathy and compassion for those who have it worse than me. Both of those can exist at the same time and that’s OK. I can recognize my privilege and luck in the same realm that I can allow my emotions to be felt, feel thankful for those who are putting their lives on the line, and sympathize with those who are battling this virus. Everybody is allowed to feel grief right now.

This also seems like the best place in this post to recognize nurses, doctors, and medical professionals who are on the front lines of coronavirus, putting their lives at risk to treat, comfort, and save patients. True heroes. I also believe those with essential jobs should also be commended, so first responders, delivery drivers, grocery store workers, bus drivers, construction workers, anybody who is not able to safely work from home and still has to leave their house to ensure their income.

Something that’s been a point of conversation among me and my friends is how we’re staying sane (and going crazy) while adhering to the “Stay Home, Stay Healthy” order. Before I had settled into somewhat of a routine, I was a bit like a chicken with my head cut off. I was going from one task to another, or just lounging on the couch for hours on end watching TV or on my phone. I didn’t have direction and that in of itself was driving me insane. So I started to settle a bit into a daily routine, while also identifying things that would interest me, bring me joy, and engage me. I’ve been a bit of a baking machine last couple of months and I’ve been able to try out new recipes while also doing some tried and true favorites of mine. I’ve been dedicating more time to reading, writing, and journaling, and Andrew and I have also been watching a lot of movies. Finding ways to remain connected with people has also brought me joy, so that means FaceTiming with people, writing cards, and playing virtual Disney BINGO with my family.

Throughout all of this, one thing that has consistently been on my mind: staying safe. From the get-go, there was a strong emphasis on washing hands and social distancing. Masks are now a regular accessory for people and people must stay home to ensure their safety as well as the safety of others. So that means only leaving for essential tasks, such as grocery shopping and exercise. I’m hoping that a majority of people are following those guidelines because that is the only way that this curve is going to flatten and we can start reintegrating back into normal life. Whatever normal may be after this.